Today is the day I felt

God's broken heart.

I drove through a part of town known for it's heavy population of conservative Jews.

I had been driving for some time. Singing and ministering to the Lord for a while. There was a very sweet, intimate spirit in the car. I love driving around by myself  I often do just to spend time alone with God. No one but me and the Lord. We have such intimate time together....unfettered.....It is truly awe inspiring.

Today as I drove, I took a different route. I drove a bit out of my normal  routine. Down a long winding road  Large homes and yards. It was beautiful . As I did,  it was if a heavy blanket came over me. I literally felt it almost crushing me. It made it hard to breath. At the time I was singing love songs and  ministering to the Lord. 

Soon  my love song became prophesy..."new songs" from Holy Spirit.... it wasn't too long after, my prophetic new songs turned into deep heavy wailing. My chest got tighter and I felt an insurmountable grief fill my spirit. I began to cry out with groaning - deep, loud  and on going. Tears streaming down my face.

 I knew instantly this - was not my grief. I also knew instantly whose grief it was. I began, as soon as it let up enough, to verbalize utterances of repentance and began to utter words of apology  to try in some meager, humble, and what seemed to me to be completely inadequate attempt, to comfort HE whose grief it was.

Then, as suddenly as I had come into this neighborhood I had found my way out of it.

The weight on my chest lifted. I was able to breath again.

The grief subsided. Leaving only tears dropping one at a time to fall from my eyes down my already bright red cheeks.

Me? I was left in a place of question. For the first time in 20 minutes able to speak and at the same time not feeling I had adequate words to convey my thoughts. Still I attempted. I spoke and I asked,

"Lord why have you allowed me to feel your pain? Why?"

I went on to say,

"I am so sorry so many do not recognize you, do not love you, all you have done for them. I am so sorry. I can not even begin to imagine how you feel. I know how "I" feel...In my small world...and the rejection I live with from my loved ones. THIS, this....the pain you have allowed me to experience....YOUR pain....YOU are perfect. YOU have done NOTHING but love and bless and give of yourself. Lord, WHY have you allowed me to experience this? To what end? WHAT can I do? Just me..."

That's when God broke my heart when He answered me. He said,

"My precious daughter. Nothing. I do not wish for you to do anything for me. Simply having you here with me. Sharing with me my heart. My sorrow, as a husband would share the sorrow of his beloved wife and a wife her beloved husband. To know that you would desire to sit with me and care how I feel about all my children and love me  that much.....this means more than you will ever realize. I love you."

Needless to say....I cried.....and that's when I realized that today is the day I felt God's broken heart. 

So Tell Me. Please - Answered

What do you do

 When you come home one day 

To find your heart is broken

Into so many pieces you can't even find them all

By someone(s) you never imagined would ever do such a thing? 

I don't know either.

I'll let you know tomorrow.

or 

The next day.

or

As soon as I figure it out.

Promise

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7/7/2012 My Answer (for now any - how)

So I said I would let ya'all know what you should do

When you come home one day 

To find your heart is broken

Into so many pieces you can't even find them all

By someone(s) you never imagined would ever do such a thing.

When I figured it out.

I haven't "exactly" figured it out per say 

HOWEVER

I did get some direction.

If you click here

It will take you to another blog post of mine. 

 The Lord is speaking to me about betrayal.

It is a "relative" feeling.

We (you, me, anyone) can feel as though no one else
  has ever felt the horror of our pain (what we are feeling at any given time) before.
Never experienced what we are going through - ever.

In a sense this can be and probably is very true in many cases.

However - When it comes to living through pain of betrayal of a loved one or loved ones.

This is something many can relate to.

Circumstances surrounding the betrayal may be different,

 but the excruciating , undeniable, unrelenting, pain is the same.

Today on my way to work the Lord asked me how I thought Joseph must have felt.

Yeah, you heard me right. Joseph from Biblical times.

Joseph youngest son of Jacob. (for a while) Beloved,  son of Jacob.

His older brothers, whom, he loved and looked up to, out of jealousy actually thought about killing him but one of his brothers Reuben talked the others into sparing his life. So instead they stripped Joseph of his garment and threw into a cistern and ended up selling him like a common slave.

Out of Jealousy.

They betrayed Joseph. They betrayed their Father.

In the hopes of getting rid of what was robbing them of attention.

It didn't work.

In stead God's hand was at work and though it was many years in the making

 it was God's Will that was accomplished.

Because Joseph belonged to God

He felt betrayal - insurmountable betrayal - still - Joseph over came betrayal with love for God.

There are many many more examples in the Bible

Jesus is the one example that I cling to above all.

So MY answer?

What do you do

 When you come home one day 

To find your heart is broken

Into so many pieces you can't even find them all

By someone(s) you never imagined would ever do such a thing?

Fall down upon the lap of the Lord.

Trust - in His unfailing Love 

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Sunday July 8,2012
Continued my reading in 1 Samuel
Through the life of young (King) David - WOW, how many times have I read this portion of scripture!
Many! I can say that! Just so happens this is where I am right now in my reading and also where I am in life!

Of course this will have to wait for another Blog Post!
Blessings!

Broken Heart

Ever have a heart so broken that it took your breath away?
One that no one seem to understand, one that never went away?

A heart break so tremendous, so crushing and intense.
That there was no way to over come it's sheer existence?

Try and try you may, day after day.
Busy morning until night; bury the feelings goes the fight.
No use you find; in the battle of the mind.
Your heart wins this one again.
Until this heart break takes it's mend.

A kind of heart break you never knew existed before.
One that grows daily more and more?
A heart break that tears a soft heart apart.
One you didn't even know, the reason for which it did start?

Try and try I may, day after day.

Busy morning until night, to bury the feelings goes the fight.

No use I find; in the battle of the mind.

My heart wins this one again.

Until this heart break takes it's mend.

Such a heart break. Such tears; going on now for over a year.

"Why?" Is now the question "I" ask... in fear.

Heart break should be but a step closer to thee.

That's what it says in Psalm thirty four eighteen. *

    

Try and try I may, day after day.

Busy morning until night, to bury the feelings I fight.

No use I find; in the battle of the mind.

My heart wins this one again.

Until this heart break takes it's mend.

But this heart break is taking it's toll.

Stripping joy from this ol' soul.

Come thou Majesty, my Lord my true friend!

Faithfully to my heart break, please put an end!

Day after day, busy morning until night.

Take my broken heart a flight.

No use I find, in the battle of the mind.

You alone will change these times.

My heart wins this one again.

Because you alone will make this heart mend.

 July 12, 2008

How many times can a heart be broken and still be repaired?

Take a 1000 piece puzzle with three pieces missing

Throw it to the ground and then scoop it up place it in a small box and place it in my chest…..This is my heart.

I feel as though I have almost completed this puzzle so many times and then, out of nowhere the puzzle explodes and falls to the ground, and I am left with a gapping whole in my chest.

Oh Lord, I can’t do it any more

I have never like puzzles to begin with!

Now…I like them even less….and now….where my heart used to beat; it just hurts.

I need you, Lord.  I need you to pick up the broken pieces of my heart, for me…and put them all back together…..please.

Piece by piece

One at a time

My Heavenly Father gently puts each piece of my heart in line

Counting each one

No matter which design

My Daddy God is sure each broken piece to find

Sitting in amazement

At my Lord’s feet

I watch as My Daddy God accomplishes this amazing feat

A struggle in tears;

A work for me

Is for God, a simple act of compassionate love that flows freely

Surrounded in Glory

Healing in His Wings

I am filled with Peace as His Heavenly Hosts Sing

Praises to the Lord

Mighty God above

Lord God of all, filled with compassion and love

Praise to the Lord!

Mighty God above

Lord God of all…..FILLED with compassion and love!

Thank YOU!!!!!
You've done it again!
AmyColleen

   * ["The LORD is close to the brokenhearted 

   and saves those who are crushed in spirit."]