Batter up!

Memories - they are the darnedest things! Aren't they?

One minute you can be getting ready to walk out your door, grocery list in hand whistling a happy tune.

The very next moment you are on the floor tears streaming down your face, crying like a little baby.

How does this keep happening?

Well, this time I will graciously blame it on the Louisville Sluggers!

Honestly, I don't know if this post belongs on this blog "My Life in Pictures" or if it's better shared on

"The Fire Within"  blog....so I will probably post it on both.

So back to the Bat

As the story goes, there was this Mum you see. She was picking her son up from the airport She was oh so very excited to see him!! She was traveling,  not to very far from her home to the airport as he was flying in from far away. So she needed to drive from Cincinnati, Ohio to Indianapolis, Indiana. 

So off she goes!

Well, the Mum got to the airport without too terribly much ado. I mean, I only  freaked out two or three times, she only had to call her hubby two or three times for help, but it all worked out okay. 

After finally arriving at the airport, which actually turned out to work for the best because her son's plane ended up being a few minutes behind anyway so she didn't have to pay for parking. Yay! 

 So, Mum met up with her son at the curb side. They greeted with a happy hug. Packed the car and were off! Back to Cincinnati where the rest of the family eagerly awaited the arrival of their most awesome brother!

So one would think the ride home would be easy peasy, right?

I mean I already got lost should know my way this Mum had experience maneuvering the expressway around the airport now.

Ummmmmm, yeah...not so much.

As the saga continued.......Mum was so happy to see her son that she just chatted and chatted away as I so often, I mean as she so often does and well she missed the turn off to the correct interstate off ramp. 

Of course not realizing this  until about 60 minutes later.

Yeah. That's what I said. No typo. Sixty minutes.

At which point  I pretend I knew what I was doing   she realized they had gone too far to turn around . So instead seeing THE KENTUCKY BORDER STRAIGHT AHEAD decided to make a fun day of it and continued on to Louisville!

That's when they ended up at the Louisville Slugger Museum.

They had lunch.

They got bats - Mum got a tiny bat. (Apparently Mum likes tiny things.) and her son got a reg size Slugger!

We  They walked around.

It was fun.

Then they headed home to Cincinnati.

Home of the Reds.

Ha!

So, there you have it.

A wonderful memory- had by Mum and her son.

So why the crying you may ask.
It started because I was in my closet looking for something and I came across this little bat.
I picked it up.
I looked at it - and - boom.
The memories came flowing in.
Now here I am. Should be at the grocery store.
Instead, I am shaking my head right now. That memory was about 15 years ago.

Since then times have changed, allot. I do not understand why.
I do know.

Mum is counting her days and her son lives far away in miles and in heart.

and I wish I could do it all over again. Get lost on my way to the airport.
I miss you so.

Yeah....sniff.

Today I lost count -updated

Of just how many times

 I heard the Lord tell me,

" I"

"you.!"

It started so early in the day. Before the sun was even awake. 

As I opened my eyes. I knew my Lord was there.

I could tell, because there was such a sweet, peaceful presence that filled the room.

 I woke with a smile.

"Good morning Lord!"

There it was. Before I could say another word. His small, still, but very clear and recognizable voice,

"Good morning my dear. I love you."

Then as I got ready for the day, began with the reading of  His Word. Then a bit of worship. 

There was such a sweet and sure anointing.

As if I had been captured up in a blanket of grace.

Such love that I could not keep the stream of tears from falling down my cheeks.

Again I heard His voice, "I love you my AmyColleen."

This time when I heard Him, I chuckled, "I love you too Lord."

Out the door and in my car - Off to work I go!

Praying along the way.

It wasn't 3 minutes and without a word. Not even a whisper. No small still voice.

Still, it was loud and crisp as could be in my spirit.

Those words. I heard those words - again,

"Amy?"

"Yes, Lord?

"I love you."

Oh my goodness! - It hadn't been but two hours since I woke up. I had heard the Lord tell me at least three times "I love you." I was beginning to think I was the one speaking to myself!

So, naturally, I did what any sane person would do at this point. 

I ignored that small, still, but very clear and recognizable voice.

lol

Only to be met, yet again, with another, "I love you. "

Which again, I chose to pretend I did not hear. lol

This went on for a litter while.

Kinda like a ping pong game. 

Until the Lord keep the ball in His court.

and began a little teaching session.

He asked me why I suddenly doubted His voice.

I did not have satisfactory answer. I simply did not know.

So, that's when the Lord told me why I was doubting Him.

He also told me how to check the voice I am hearing is truly His, when I am concerned it might not be.

At first I felt this overwhelming feeling - as if I had sorely disappointed my Lord. 

Of course - the Lord immediately put my mind and heart and spirit to rest.

The Lord was so gracious in explaining to me.

Making very sure I understood the He was not disappointed in me. 

Pointing out that He (Jesus) cannot be disappointed in us. 

I, of course being the curious type, asked, "Why not?"

His answer?
Well, in short-and in my words close as I can get to his-

Because He KNOWS.

 He knows everything about us - already. 
We can't surprise our creator. 
So there are no expectation's on His (the Lord's) side.
Still, (knowing it all) he chose to come to earth and give up His life. As a living sacrifice. Then lay down His life, as a sacrifice of death.  Even death on a cross. To atone for our short comings. To wipe away all our sin. 
Once for all. 

Unlike us as humans. We do not have the capacity in and of ourselves to love like that.

  All of us to some degree love conditionally. Set some kind of expectation on each other. We also do not know the future or what it may hold, for ourselves or for  others. Thus, for the most part, setting ourselves up for disappointment.  Because rarely do we or do those we have expectations for, live up to those expectations!

And when expectations are not lived up to,
that's when disappointments sets in.

So, now it was starting to make sense to me.
It was my own expectation I had placed on myself. 
Still

Why was I was finding it hard to  accept and receive all the "I love yous." from the Lord.

I never have a problem with the , "Amy Colleen you need to_______"

Now I can handle a rebuke no problem!

But when it comes down to - Pap God calling me to jump up on His lap for no other reason but to tell me He loves me so. Or. Jesus showing up in my spiritual eye sight a bazzion times a day just tell me, "I love you."  This I find a hard pill to swallow.

Well, the Lord revealed to me in His infinite grace something I thought I had already known. lol
(Perhaps someone out there reading this will find this information useful as well.)
My expectation of myself is a common one. I have seen it in others as I have ministered through out the years. This is an expectation I found the majority of Christ followers have for themselves the longer they have been walking close to God. And, in fact, should have to some degree - but- in the balance. What I mean is - striving ...."to be perfect therefore as our heavenly Father is perfect." Mathew 5:48.
(Its funny how we sometimes don't recognize how hard we are on our ourselves.)
However, for many reasons, which I will not go into here and now, the Lord opened my eyes to show me my how expectation for myself was set unrealistically. Also how I felt I had to be perfect to obtain and retain His favor.  Of course I am not, perfect, this being the reason I felt unworthy of the "I love you's" from the the Lord. More specifically - I was feeling "guilt and shame".
Which (this is good here!)
Which were not mine to feel!
The enemy, Satan, he was taking advantage of my situation.
Instructing his minions to shoot flaming arrows of "guilt" and "shame" into my heart.

Beloved ~ guilt and shame do not belong in the life of a believer! 
Honestly I did not feel guilt nor did I feel shame. I only knew this because I was feeling uncomfortable receiving all the "I love you's" for the Lord. Which is not like me, at all. None the less the guilt and shame were there and were keeping me from receiving the Lord's love in its fullest and keeping me from enjoying sweet fellowship with my creator.

I know this. I knew this. I thought I out-grew this.

Apparently not.

That's okay because Jesus has got me covered. He is working on this one for me and with me.

Today was a day full of I love you's

I saw, heard and experienced them every where and all day. From morning to night.

So very many in fact that, 

Today I lost count.

P.S. I Love you too Lord!

    1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Romans 8 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ² because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.³ For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, ⁴ in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

Life is full of surprises

"We do not fully understand joy until we have faced sorrow.

  Nor faith until it is tested. 

Peace until we are faced with conflict.

Love, until it is lost. 

Nor hope until confronted with doubts."  

  

So let us continue down this road called life

Embrassing all it brings our way

Knowing that what we are going through now is nothing compared to the glory that will be revealed in us later.

Romans 8:18

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In the Last Days, says the Lord...

Paintings by: Janice Van Cronkhite