Don't Ever Say Never

There is a very good reason for that saying. 

My life is one of them.

I have been sitting here thinking of all the things I never thought would happen - ever -and did.

For instance.

I never thought I would be left all alone as a very small child. But I was, by my parents and by the day camp I went to, on more than one occasion. Albeit by mistake. STILL being left alone as a very small child is very scary.

I never thought the adults in my life, whom as children we are supposed to be able to trust, would take advantage of me as a very young child in a very perverted way.  

I never thought I would ever make any friends. 

I never thought I would ever be beautiful to anyone.

I never thought I would ever know love. 

I never thought I would ever end up on the back side of a Harley Davidson Motor Cycle at 15, hanging around a dangerous motor cycle gang doing drugs and lying to my parents about it.

I never thought I would sit and watch my best friend die in front of me by way of a drug over dose. Then have my own life threatened by  if I spoke a word about what I saw. 

I never thought I would ever end up so desperate that I felt I had no choice left but to jump off suicide cliff.

I never - ever - thought I would hear the voice of God.

I never thought God cared so much about me.

I never knew God sent His only Son Jesus - For ME.

I never expected God to forgive me for everything I had done.   

I never expected my world to change just like that.

I never believed I could forgive the adults that hurt me as a child.

I never believed I would find a man who could love me.

All these never's were so....each one...and more.

I did hear the voice of God.

I did find  love.

I did have a family of my own.

I did find friendship.

I did find fellowship in the body of Christ.

And life continued....and...more I never's...

I never thought my own beautiful family would fall apart.

I never thought my best friend would betray me.

I never thought those I trusted most would work together to take my babies away from me.

I never thought I would walk away from my Lord........because I lost all.

All these never's were so....each one...and more.

I never thought I would find love again.

I never thought I would have such a close relationship with my mom.

I never thought I would have the two most beautiful girls in the world.

I never thought my family would be back together for so many wonderful years.

All these never's were so....each one...and more.

I never thought my mother would leave this world so soon.

I never thought I would have to choose between my sons or my daughters.

I never thought my sons would once again be taken away.

I never expected after so many years with the family, my sons would choose to move away.

I never thought after years of praying and supporting and care packages and visits and undergrad visits that we would not be welcome at the biggest celebration of all, after driving 17 hours to see my oldest graduate.

I never expected my sons to keep my grandchildren from me and their sisters.

I never expected my sons to legally cut me and their sisters out of their lives forever.

All these never's were so....each one...and more.

I never expected to be able to forgive my sons father, step mother or my sons for the grief they have caused us all. Not just me but my precious daughters, (their sisters) and their step father.

I never expected to be able to fervently pray blessings, daily for everyone in my sons lives. Including their father and step mother. 

I never expected to be able to carry on with my daily life. Considering all the heart wrenching pain that I continue to feel.

But I am.

How? Well...I am learning how to live a life of obedience and sacrifice.


In this I find the Joy of the Lord - therein lies my strength. Nehemiah 8:10


Also I am finding the better I get at the obedience part, the less sacrifice there seems to be required. At least for me in my walk with the Lord at this stage of the game. :) I would like to think I have learned my Jonah lesson! 

Now I realize there are allot of I never's here. Of course I haven't listed all of my never's on here, but a good portion of them. Mostly one's that are relevant to what I am going through in my life right now. 

See, I am smack dab in the middle of a heart wrenching - life altering - emotional - situation. The ONLY way I have been able NOT to react the same way I did the FIRST time this situation occurred in my life (when the father of my sons filed for divorce and left with my babies) is by sticking very close to the Master's side. At His feet. In His lap. In prayer and in His Word. (I think you get the message) 

Well....

I do realize this has not been the cheeriest of posts. I will admit. However, writing does a soul good - especially this one. From what I hear (through your emails) there are a few of your souls out there that get a little something out of reading my ramblings as well! Thank you...:)


So I will write.


Please feel free to leave a comment on here. You can still email me. :)
But it wouldn't hurt to click on the comment link below as well!  

May the good Lord Bless you and may Abba Father keep you safe in the crux of His hand. May you receive the spirit of Truth as you seek the face of Yeshua/Jesus  and desire to be like Him for the glory of God.


Shalom ~ Amy Colleen


p.s. remember, don't ever say "never" because you just don't know what God has in store for you!


I never thought I would be able to love and trust again.
I never thought I would ever love any child as much as I love my sons Joshua James, Jeremy Joseph and Jacob John.


Well, I am and I do.


And I have the most incredible, beautiful, God loving, God fearing daughter's anyone could ever hope for .... and I love them ..... just as much as I love my sons.

I never thought .....

  

Art Work by click link

For Mother's in light of Mother's Day (coming up)

With Love from my Daughter Lauren Danielle

Mother Dearest

Love ~Lauren

Now, mother dearest of all the world, I know hard you try

I know how hurt you may feel when things just don’t go right.

I see how hard you strive, to fulfill our family needs,

and save for last your very own precious, precious pleas.

And though at times you may struggle through, I can always look forward to your smile

and mother dearest of all the world, it carries me for miles.

As you speak of God’s adoration, you walk with a joy-filled pace,

as everyone can see it on your bright and shining face.

To hear your laugh, and see your face aglow,

Spreads peace and cheer, yes this I know.

Our voice and character seem alike, and I hope this will foretell,

my future self being just like yours or even half as swell.

Now, mother dearest in all the world I know how hard you try.

But you need not try at all, for you always get it right.

Motherly, Daughterly Walk

Out on a lovely night

What, a wonderful sight

Look, at the bright shinning moon

For our motherly, daughterly walk.

Drawing beautiful memories across the sky

Our bond draws closer, the tighter it ties

The sun is setting

No one is fretting

‘Cause we’re walking our motherly, daughterly walk.

‘Round the corner

We’ve past the former

So many streets

Just for our feet’s…

To walk our motherly, daughterly walk.

It’s just like our life

Somewhat full of strife

Up and down hills

Support each other through thrills

Lean your head on my shoulder

‘Cause now I’m much older

I’ll support you

What ever we’re goin’ through

On our motherly, daughterly walk

Tears fall from our eyes

And you sympathize

Our special bond

Has grown real fond

On our motherly, daughterly walk

Sad you may feel

Grief I may steal

To make you happy once again

To make you happy once again

On our motherly, daughterly walk

We pass by the lake

Let’s pour in our aches

Give ‘em all up

Refill our cup

On our motherly, daughterly walk

“hmm~hmm~hehe”

You fill me with glee

Now tears of joy

Will deploy

Soaking your back

We’ve a laughing attack 

On our motherly, daughterly walk

That great big smile

You’ve carried a long while

I’ve still got a long way to go

At times it’s a frown

When it’s upside down

At these times you must know

Love is a healer

Not just a concealed

It’ll supply you all that you need

Until He comes on that bright shinning steed

On our motherly, daughterly walk

I love you…Lauren Danielle April 25, 2005

Author Lauren Danielle Klapp Copy right©2004  All rights reserved.
Unauthorized use or reproductions are prohibited.

Because of HIM

art work by Janice Van Kronkhite

Okay, so I should really be in bed right now trying to get some shut eye so I can some what function tomorrow at work. Honestly though, if I were to put this here computer down and try to go to sleep I would find myself drowning in a lake of tears. Yes, you heard me right. I said, "a lake of tears". I know I don't normally show a whole lot of emotion on here (my blog). But this is one of those few times that I feel as those if I don't release it (my overwhelming emotion) it's going to come out on it's on through my aching heart, and at this point my aching heart can't take anymore pain. It's liable to go into massive cardiac arrest.

Little dramatic, huh? Yeah, well that would be my life at the moment. Ehh, who am I kidding. That would be my life period! 

This world I am living in right now is not the world I grew up in that is for sure.

Nuclear plants leaking into our oceans and atmospheres.

People filled with such anger that they feel the need to gang up on a single un-armed adult and beat them to near death with everything but the kitchen sink. These are men, woman and children and this is not even considered news worthy.

Children divorcing their parents and siblings. (I know of this first hand)

Abortion/the murder of innocent life, becoming birth control and not only every woman's right but every tax payers and employers responsibility.

And

Love - no where to be found. 

In the family? Where? You raise a child to love and respect and forgive. Then, when they grow up they turn on you. Spit in your face. Where is the love? The respect? The forgiveness? There is none. 

Perfection. They expect perfection. You have none. You are not perfect, no one is perfect but God. Still, they see themselves as righteous in themselves and turn there back on you.

So, love, in the church can you find it there? No. The church is busy looking for love itself. Busy, busy, busy. Going here, going there. Never really getting any where. All the while so many in the church just needing to be loved. Needing someone to love.

How about in the world? Can you find love in the world? Perhaps. Perhaps if you wander to and fro you will find a love for a time, but noting that will truly satisfy you deep inside.

No. Not deep inside.

However, I have found it. I have found love. 

The love that satisfies. I have learned through the years. Through the betrayals. The loss. The tears. I have found HIM who has pursued me.  I have found HIM  who has followed me and walked along side me.  I have found HIM who has kept me safe, through the fire and the storm.  I have found HIM  who has held me close when I was all alone, abandoned and confused. Yeshua is His name. 

Since I have found HIM, who has been pursuing me I have never been the same.

Through all the trials. All the heart ache. All the pain and tears. I know in my heart HE will turn it around for me. So I know I can make it and in this I have peace and take JoY. 

Because of HIM.

How are YOU?

Twinkle - twinkle

Little star

How I wonder 

How they are

Just like you 

So far away

Not a post

In many a day

                                               Twinkle - twinkle 

                                                 Little star

                                                 How I wonder 

                                                How they are