Weird

Weird

I have found myself in a place I do not wish to be.

I am realizing (just now) that for many years I have believed a false truth about certain people whom I love. It makes me sad.

I know, (now) that I kept on believing this false truth out of a denial of the real truth or even out of a hope that they would change, simply because the reality was so painful.

I knew

I wasn't ready to deal with it.

Well, I can't deny it any longer. I guess I could deny it, it just wouldn't do any good. 

The reality of the lack of good character in these people has now become so over powering that it has widdled it's way into my chest like a knife. 

Tearing my heart apart and leaving gaping holes and torn flesh behind. NOT good.

I never thought - I couldn't imagine - I refused to believe 

They could be so cruel

But then we all have the ability to be cruel at heart

It is only by the grace of God that we are any bit o' good!

So I hold nothing but love in my heart for each one I speak of and in fact more love than anyone would even imagine. As I pray daily for the restoration of our relationships. 

The hard thing about it all is having to let them go. 

I need to trust in God's word. I need to believe that the Lord will vindicate me.
  I need to practice WHAT I PREACH!

It's easier said than done! Let me tell ya! I give this advise out allot. I believe every word of it. 

Every single word! 

Now that I am banking my life on it.

 I am finding it more difficult than I ever had

 to follow my own advice. :)

Seriously. In my life walk with the Lord I have crossed over many streams, rivers, desserts. I have walked through many fires, wastelands, battlefields, spent long lonely nights by myself not knowing where I was going, what I was doing, how I was getting food for my kiddos....

THIS PLACE where I am now. This place is different.

You see it's as if I have been "here" before having never been here before.

It's as if I can "see" myself and the things I am doing, like I am watching myself in a dream/movie or something. I have this shalom/peace that comes over me when I pray about these  that grieve my soul. I know I need to let them go. 

So - GO! Already ✫ƸӜƷ•°*”˜˜”*°•.ƸӜƷ✫...•°*”˜˜”*°•.ƸӜƷ✫...•°*”˜˜”*°

I will try....I will

It's like going up a hill

I am told I can

Oh,  I need another plan....

The love on my end is far too great

How long is whole venture going to take?
I just can't do it - I keep taking them back.
Oh dear Lord help me!
 ✫ƸӜƷ•°*”˜˜”*°•.ƸӜƷ✫...•°*”˜˜”*°•.ƸӜƷ✫...•°*”˜˜”*°ƸӜƷ✫