The Lord Giveth and He Taketh Away
I find myself in a bit of a quandary. I honestly did not expect to be here. I figured we would have been through all this by now. All the healing that is; from the broken, then blended homes. I mean, it has been twenty four years. Apparently not. So here I sit face with the choice to hold on - or let go and let God.
I am fifty years old and my youngest child is going to turn nineteen years old in just a couple of months. Some might say I am experiencing empty nest syndrome or something of that nature but truthfully it is much much more than that. I have been working up to this point for years now. Ever since, sadly enough, my first husband and I divorced some twenty four years ago. It wasn't easy or pretty then and it has been a struggle ever since to "let go" and "trust God" ever since with my children's lives.
Well now that all my children, all five, to include my two beautiful daughters from my husband of 22 years as well as my three boys from my first husband, have grown up and are all adults.
I am faced with the task of "letting them go"....again.
Of course as the reader you are thinking, "But of course! Let God! It's a no brainer!"
It's just not that easy. You see, I have let go many times before. Then in a few years something else pops up and I end up having to let go all over again. Let there be no mistaking the enemy has his mind set to kill - steal and destroy this family that is for sure! At this point and time my oldest children are completely unaware of the enemies tactics. Thus the reason I am finding so hard to let go this time. I guess there is a part of me that is worried when I let go it will be like saying "good-bye" forever. Even though I "know" in my spirit the Lord has promised otherwise.
BUT the title of this blog is "learning to let go" and learning I am. Sometimes when we don't have the strength to do what is best for ourselves, the Lord helps us out. He sees our heart, knows we desire to please Him and steps in. The means to the end is not always "pain-less" but it does the trick. If we will just take the step of faith to take His hand and trust Him He will never fail us.
So, today I did just that. Hard as it was. Very, very hard. I knew it was coming. The Lord told me over four years ago so I could prepare myself. But it was still hard. Without too much detail I can say I am now loving three of my children virtually, only through prayer in the love of God and by the Holy Spirit. Their choice. Not mine.
It breaks my heart. But what can I do? I live my life for Yeshua, and my life goes on.
I haven't always felt this way. In fact, for the better part of the last twenty four years I have loved my three sons too much.
Now, I am learning to let go.
Now maybe God can finally use me fully.
Mathew 10:37
"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me;"
Matthew 6:21
"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
