Today was a weird day. A very strange....odd.....day.

I spent more of my awake time wishing I were asleep, rather than feeling alive and wishing I were given more hours in the day to finish all I started out to accomplish......(Like I normally do)
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My youngest child turned 18  and graduated High School. Youngest of five.

All four of my other children live outside the home. IN fact I never hear from three of them anymore.
Life is just not the same....It won't be long and there won't be any of the kids left at home.

Life is a changing.

Today...especially I found myself  missing my boys. They never come around. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever see them again.  My heart is just just so broken right now.... I wonder...I can't help but wonder..... why.

I am so tired. My days are shortened because  of the sadness. It zaps me of the life....of that joy that used to fill my heart. Not all the time. Just  every so often. Times like right now.  Oh, I know it's not fair; to my girls. I know it's not. But I can't help it. They are my sons....my flesh and blood. I love them just as much as I love my daughters...and I they're gone....out of my life....and I don't even know why.....I miss them and love them so much..

Oh  I know I will probably feel better tomorrow and the day after will have a whole new set  of it's  own new challenges and emotions for me to deal with. For now though, I am smack dab in the middle of ~ heart break & sadness~ sigh.

I am just very grateful that I have my Lord here, right by my side, walking with me every step of the way....and when necessary carrying me...so I know I will make it to the end of my journey!