Don't Ever Say Never

There is a very good reason for that saying. 

My life is one of them.

I have been sitting here thinking of all the things I never thought would happen - ever -and did.

For instance.

I never thought I would be left all alone as a very small child. But I was, by my parents and by the day camp I went to, on more than one occasion. Albeit by mistake. STILL being left alone as a very small child is very scary.

I never thought the adults in my life, whom as children we are supposed to be able to trust, would take advantage of me as a very young child in a very perverted way.  

I never thought I would ever make any friends. 

I never thought I would ever be beautiful to anyone.

I never thought I would ever know love. 

I never thought I would ever end up on the back side of a Harley Davidson Motor Cycle at 15, hanging around a dangerous motor cycle gang doing drugs and lying to my parents about it.

I never thought I would sit and watch my best friend die in front of me by way of a drug over dose. Then have my own life threatened by  if I spoke a word about what I saw. 

I never thought I would ever end up so desperate that I felt I had no choice left but to jump off suicide cliff.

I never - ever - thought I would hear the voice of God.

I never thought God cared so much about me.

I never knew God sent His only Son Jesus - For ME.

I never expected God to forgive me for everything I had done.   

I never expected my world to change just like that.

I never believed I could forgive the adults that hurt me as a child.

I never believed I would find a man who could love me.

All these never's were so....each one...and more.

I did hear the voice of God.

I did find  love.

I did have a family of my own.

I did find friendship.

I did find fellowship in the body of Christ.

And life continued....and...more I never's...

I never thought my own beautiful family would fall apart.

I never thought my best friend would betray me.

I never thought those I trusted most would work together to take my babies away from me.

I never thought I would walk away from my Lord........because I lost all.

All these never's were so....each one...and more.

I never thought I would find love again.

I never thought I would have such a close relationship with my mom.

I never thought I would have the two most beautiful girls in the world.

I never thought my family would be back together for so many wonderful years.

All these never's were so....each one...and more.

I never thought my mother would leave this world so soon.

I never thought I would have to choose between my sons or my daughters.

I never thought my sons would once again be taken away.

I never expected after so many years with the family, my sons would choose to move away.

I never thought after years of praying and supporting and care packages and visits and undergrad visits that we would not be welcome at the biggest celebration of all, after driving 17 hours to see my oldest graduate.

I never expected my sons to keep my grandchildren from me and their sisters.

I never expected my sons to legally cut me and their sisters out of their lives forever.

All these never's were so....each one...and more.

I never expected to be able to forgive my sons father, step mother or my sons for the grief they have caused us all. Not just me but my precious daughters, (their sisters) and their step father.

I never expected to be able to fervently pray blessings, daily for everyone in my sons lives. Including their father and step mother. 

I never expected to be able to carry on with my daily life. Considering all the heart wrenching pain that I continue to feel.

But I am.

How? Well...I am learning how to live a life of obedience and sacrifice.


In this I find the Joy of the Lord - therein lies my strength. Nehemiah 8:10


Also I am finding the better I get at the obedience part, the less sacrifice there seems to be required. At least for me in my walk with the Lord at this stage of the game. :) I would like to think I have learned my Jonah lesson! 

Now I realize there are allot of I never's here. Of course I haven't listed all of my never's on here, but a good portion of them. Mostly one's that are relevant to what I am going through in my life right now. 

See, I am smack dab in the middle of a heart wrenching - life altering - emotional - situation. The ONLY way I have been able NOT to react the same way I did the FIRST time this situation occurred in my life (when the father of my sons filed for divorce and left with my babies) is by sticking very close to the Master's side. At His feet. In His lap. In prayer and in His Word. (I think you get the message) 

Well....

I do realize this has not been the cheeriest of posts. I will admit. However, writing does a soul good - especially this one. From what I hear (through your emails) there are a few of your souls out there that get a little something out of reading my ramblings as well! Thank you...:)


So I will write.


Please feel free to leave a comment on here. You can still email me. :)
But it wouldn't hurt to click on the comment link below as well!  

May the good Lord Bless you and may Abba Father keep you safe in the crux of His hand. May you receive the spirit of Truth as you seek the face of Yeshua/Jesus  and desire to be like Him for the glory of God.


Shalom ~ Amy Colleen


p.s. remember, don't ever say "never" because you just don't know what God has in store for you!


I never thought I would be able to love and trust again.
I never thought I would ever love any child as much as I love my sons Joshua James, Jeremy Joseph and Jacob John.


Well, I am and I do.


And I have the most incredible, beautiful, God loving, God fearing daughter's anyone could ever hope for .... and I love them ..... just as much as I love my sons.

I never thought .....

  

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