Yes I am still alive!

Hello,

So yes it has been a while since I have written. A very long while.
Not because I have been empty-brained. No. On the contrary, I have been overflowing with thoughts I have on one hand been most eager to put down on paper while on the other hand I have been extremely hesitant to do so. OBVIOUSLY. Thus the day after day after day gone by without update. sigh.



Such the quandary I have found myself in.

I suppose it all "just hit me" as I was driving up the road the other day. I was talking to my best friend, Yeshua....about, well, a little of everything. I guess my whole life.
So many things going on in my life right now, ya know? Good things....all wonderfully, awesome, good things.
Of course, I can see (understand) how, many people might not "see" things the same way as "I" do. See everything that is happening in my life as a "wonderfully good" things. But then that is fine. (I am learning to accept this truth - that it is okay, that not everyone "understands I really truly am at peace with all the tragedy that has taken place in my life")

So anyway, as I was be-boppin' along with My Lord ALL OF A SUDDEN it just  HIT ME! I saw the number of hits my blogs get everyday...(it may seem silly I know) but I actually saw a #...a very large #....and I realized (I think for the very first time) how many of my family and friends were actually reading what I am writing!
As much as I absolutely love my new family at Beth Messiah and all of my family at I have been blessed to have come into my life through out the years in various other church bodies - I suddenly became acutely aware of how transparent I was on here.

Not that I mind.

Being transparent.

I think there should be more transparency among the brethren. given the right circumstances.
However - I got to thinking about why it bothered me - and - I asked the Lord - and got some feed back from HIM.
This is what I came up with - I think it's pretty good stuff. 

The reason I stopped writing on here - the reason I felt so uncomfortable.
Wasn't because of the hundreds of reads I get a day by strangers.
Nor was it because I have a problem with sharing my feelings. (I think we all know that to be a true statement - lol)

I discovered, after talking with the Lord about this at length, that, it was the fact that I was bearing a great deal of my soul to a good portion of people who I saw in my every day life. People who read my posts and flipped through my blogs. People who saw me enough to feel comfortable enough to believe they now "knew me well."...Just by reading about me and seeing me here on my blog.
But really don't "know me at all."

Bottom line?

I felt slighted. Cheated out of ever having the privilege of getting to know those people.

Now I understand blogging is a "one way relationship".

So, no harm - no foul.

But, again....this is a strange new world in which we live....at least I am finding for me it is.

I love to write. I love to blog. I love the fact that it blesses all of you that it blesses!

But I love people in person even more! The Lord has brought me into a new place in life....He is stretching me...and it's NOT easy on me!

I am done with ONE WAY relationships.

So I am starting with this blog!

I will continue writing and blogging - just maybe not so personal? We'll see....

Let me know if you have anything you'd like me to write about!!

Leave a comment below!

I'd love to hear from you!

Love you all!!

Shalom