I went through my writings today looking specifically for this New Psalm I had written - "A Heart Like Yours" - I wrote it years back. Well I found it. I didn't realize I had written a blog post around it - and well - I can certainly understand why the Spirit of the Lord laid it upon my heart to look it up today.
Not only is the New Psalm relevant to what I would like to share with you today - but the entire post from back in 2009 is. I wrote and originally posted the New Psalm -(with vulnerable transparency) about what the Lord was doing in my life back in 2009.
Today, I sit, 14 years later, having followed the path that was set before me and yet still being drawn ever closer.
Being asked in a language of love with words of silence to continue down a path I can not see - by myself - knowing I am not alone - at times only in faith.
Abandonment becoming second nature - self sacrifice a first resort - pain and suffering as involuntary as breathing and the regularity of my heart beating.
The one thing that seems the hardest of all - family and friends - can not see - do not know - have no way to fathom or understand - so somehow I must restrain all pain - all heartache - and just love.
When I see the soul on the street. When they nod their head as we pass and our eyes they meet. When my heart stops for that moment and I must make it start again - because of the pain I know they're in - all because of the master of their sin - that keeps them in the jail their in - away from God who loves them so - all I want to do is to let them know - Pain Pain so much pain - crushing - sharp - pain - intense beyond anything thing I know - that makes any sense - I feel it in MY OWN heart - how can this be so? - Help me please dear God - In and through me, to these hurting souls - let your love - without restraint go! - Remove the fence that keeps me here -tear down the walls of doubt and fear! - I need YOUR Love - I need YOUR love - more than ever before I need your love.
Help me - love like you.
I want a heart like yours Lord.
I need a heart like yours, Lord.
I want to love them like you love me.
You’re always gentle and kind.
Never boastful, proud or rude,
I want to love them like you.
You never look out for yourself Lord.
You’re always looking out for me.
You don’t keep tabs on every thing I do wrong.
I want a heart like yours Lord.
I need a heart like yours, Lord.
If I’m to love to love like you.
I want to love them like you love me.
Always being my best friend.
Never delighting when evil comes my way.
But rejoicing in the truth instead.
I want to love them like you love me.
You've never failed me yet.
You’re always there to protect me Lord.
Ever trusting; in me your hope is set.
I want to love them like you love me.
I want to touch them like you touch me.
I want to show them that your love is real.
I want a heart like yours, Lord.
I need a heart like yours.
Give me a heart like yours.
****************************************************************************
2009
On Sunday....
I went in the prayer room at church to partake of communion. As I sat there with the elements in my hands, eyes closed I heard the voice of the Lord speak to me,
"
Amy, would you, for me?"....I said, "
Yes Lord."
Then again I heard His voice. This time, "
Amy, WILL you?"....I wasn't quite sure what, but I answered just the same as it was very clear to me it was the Lord asking and I would do anything for Him.... "
Yes Lord, I will." A few more seconds went by and I heard his voice again, "
Amy, then drink my cup."
A chill ran up my spine. I opened my eyes and looked at the cup of grape juice I was holding in my hand and said, "
Yes Lord.
I will." and drank it.
The Real Me
This is my desire....more than anything.
Now.
Can I take moment to share with you the real me?
Just bits of me so when I begin to open up and share some of what the Lord shares with me you know where I have been and where I am headed?
There is a lot of me on this blog. But quite honestly, I read over it and realized I don't come across as a real person. So I thought I would just take a moment to some what briefly share with you where I have come from and where I am now and where I would like to go.
As you know, my Name is AmyColleen. I am a wife and mother to five wonderful children.
I was raised in a large Catholic family. Survivor of abuse, physical and sexual. I got involved with the wrong people and saw and did things I should not have. I came to receive Jesus as savior when I was 15 years of age. I met my first husband when I was 17 and married when I was 18 years old. Between then and now I have been divorced and lost my family and been remarried. Suffered through abuse and poverty and sickness of differing kinds. I have been rejected by my own children and lied to and about by those I have trusted with my life. My health declined and I grew depressed.
It hasn’t all been bad. I have had good times as well.
I worked in the inner city as a volunteer, reaching the lost and hurting. I fed, clothed and prayed with the poor and lost and the prostitutes of the roughest part of down town.
During a service at a local outreach I was miraculously ~ instantaneously healed from MS by the Lord Jesus and was able to lead a missions team to Albania. This was one of the highlights of my life!
During this season I found out that my grand mother was Jewish. The very heritage that I have loved since a young girl in High School was MY heritage. My oldest son started attending Messianic Synagogue, knowing nothing about my newly acquired knowledge of my family heritage. (I thought this was especially neat) And also the families were starting to get back in sinc, relationally.
I continued to climb uphill....continued to run the race....continued to believe God's word to be true and all men liars. I grew closer to the Lord ever day. Prayer was my best friend. I spent literally hours a day in prayer. I found myself getting up in the middle of the night and coming out to the living room to spend time with the Lord. He spoke a great many things to me during this season.
Then everything changed. Without going into details. What I "can" say is, I know God is in control of my life. I am in the palm of His hand. I trust Him.
Things are different now. Again. I don't understand it, but then I have read and read and read and am still reading the Word of God and I can't find anything that tells me I am necessarily supposed to "understand" it. I have been through this enough times to know that God always keeps His Word....and His Word says, " And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
And also, "There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1
Now is my time to let go.
To Trust God.
There is so much more but this what I wanted to share.
God is calling me higher. Where He is calling me, there is no place for anyone else but Him and me. In theory this is no problem. In reality....honestly? God is Holy. Holy. We say that all the time. We sing it in our worship songs. We SHOUT it out on Sundays! But Honestly, here lately I have been awaken by the
hush of God's holiness in the middle of the night and been struck with
the fear of the Lord.
Straight to my bones! I have spent my early morning prayer time alone in the presence of God and had the presence of the Lord over come me in holiness and the fear of the Lord struck me...THIS is different. A new level. A new place. Here...I am a tad bit afraid.
I want a heart like his....more than anything...I WILL....Lord.
-->
