I guess I just "broken".

Yep...I think I'm broke...cause I've done cracked up!

Wow.

So it has been quite a month. Or I guess I could say quite a summer. What the heck, let's just start at the beginning of 2010. I haven't liked this year too terribly much. I feel as though I went to sleep in my own bed one night in late Dec. and woke up on some strange amusement park ride in circus in the middle of a someone else's life! Will someone please stop the ride, let me off I wanna go home!

I mean, how much can one person take, right? Apparently as much as we get. And since I have been getting allot I have a feeling I got allot more coming, still. Ugh....and double ugh.

Yes, I am whining. Or perhaps, not so much whining as much as just leaking.

After all I just lost my Daddy this last week, after falling outta bed and breaking my arm, after having just falling the previous week and giving myself a concussion....oh and then there's my foot I broke in June. ....and oh, let's not forget my heart...my broken heart. ....Hummmph... I'm just "broken".

Of course being broken is not necessarily all together a bad thing.....nor is it a bad place to be.

I know this because I have been broken before. I know this place well. AND, because God's Word has special promises just for those who are broken....and God ALWAYS keeps his promises!

Psalm 147:3 -

He heals the brokenhearted 

and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 32:7-8-You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.

Psalm 34:10-Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Psalm 34:17-19 - When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord rescues them from them all.

Psalm 71:20 - Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.

Psalm 73:26- My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 84:5,7 - Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.

Psalm 91:1-2,5-6,9-12 -You who live in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shadow of the Almighty, will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress; my God in whom I trust." You will not fear the terror of the night, or the arrow that flies by day, or the pestilence that stalks in darkness, or the destruction that wastes at noonday. Because you have made the Lord your refuge, the Most High your dwelling place, no evil shall befall you, no scourge come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.

Psalm 91:14-16- Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. With long life I will satisfy them, and show them my salvation.

These aren't even ALL of the scripture promises....just a few of my favorite ones.

So Everything is Different.....Whatcha gonna do about it?

Okay so one day you wake up and everything is just different.

"Different" than what it was yesterday....even different than what you thought it was going to be tomorrow....just so "different".

Why?

I don't think I like it. I mean I am all about change and all, just ask my Dad. He gave me the nick name Camile, short for Chameleon, because every time I would come for a visit he said I looked so different he didn't recognize me!

After all life is all about change anyway right? But it's the way it "sneaks up on you" that I don't care so much for. Who knows, maybe it's MY fault. It's quite possible I set myself up for the surprise to begin with and it really shouldn't be a surprise at all.

Ah heck! Surprise isn't really the an accurate word/adjective to describe what happens, how I feel about the whole situation. I think I am in denial here so I am going to get brave and admit the truth right now! The more appropriate word to describe how I am feeling is disappointed....suddenly disappointed. That being said I guess I have no choice but to take full responsibility for the way I am feeling at this point in my life. After all, disappointment only comes when one sets too high of expectations.

Hmmm. Of course now that I have said THAT I am thinking, re-thinking and wondering... is it really too much to expect that after you spend your entire life investing into someone, loving and praying for them they would at the least return your calls or e-mails every so often? (Flesh of your flesh and bone of your bone.)

I know, I know, there is so much more that goes into it...into relationships. I understand. Because of the Fathers love for me and Jesus love for me and Holy Spirit alive within me, thankfully I can love, continue to love unconditionally. :) Even when it hurts so much. Even when I don't understand. Even when I find myself feeling disappointed.

That is what is so beautiful about God's love....and the fact that it is greater and wider and fuller and because of it I am able to overcome my "feelings" ~ it enables me to love back those that otherwise in this world give me reason not to love them back.

I know I am rambling. Thanks for listening....lol....if you are.

You know life is hard and and full of opportunities for disappointments, I truly believe for just about everyone. There may be a few people out there that don't have many sorrows but most everyone has "something" that they have gone through or will go through.

The key is how will we handle these disappointments in life?
Will we choose to forgive when forgiveness is an issue?
Will we choose to love?

God's greatest gift was our free will.

What will you do with yours?


I am gonna choose to love.



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In a dream I think I am ~ Nothing is the same

My family is all gone ~ No one knows my name

The children are all grown up and moved away

No one seems to hear a single word I say

What has happened since yesterday?

Wake me up from this nightmare I pray

Why is everything so different today?

Why can’t things be like yesterday?

I lay me down to sleep dear Lord

With your heart I am in one accord

Although everything is different to me

I know in my heart you will help me see

All things will work for me

Because I love you, and you love me

No matter how different things may be

I choose to surrender in love everything

I give my life a fresh and a new

Knowing you will see me through

Because you love me and I love you

This alone will see me though

Knowing you love me and I love you

AmyColleen

The Ticket Master

Wow. I had a life changing dream last night.
Seriously. I mean, I have had dreams before. Seriously prophetic dreams that still to this day amaze me. Some that have been fulfilled and some, that have yet to be fulfilled.

This dream, however, was more of a "now" vision, kinda~moment in time revelation, taking place in my spirit while my body was asleep.

I have had these type of dreams before and they have affected me deeply as well. This one however definatley takes the cake. It was up close and very personal. With a message that both enlightened me, broke my heart and encouraged me to continue on this journey, we call life.

I know at this point those that are reading are hoping that I will, and most likely are expecting to have me share the details of my dream. Normally I do share my dreams. This time however, because of the intensity and personal nature of this vision I am not going to share the dream, at least not in it's entirety. However I will share the general message behind the vision as I believe it will benefit every believer.

I can not get that part out of my heart, my mind or my head.

I have a very serious question to ask. It demands you complete and very honest answer.
No one is looking or can hear you or read your mind or see with in your heart. No one but the Lord himself...and you , of course. So be completely honest.

Have you ever gotten tired? Grown weary or discouraged along a journey?
Perhaps in this life even.

Have you ever been at a place in your life...OR...Are you at a place right now where if given the choice ~ free and clear ~ by God himself ~ Abba Father ~ to go home or stay here, guilt free....you would choose, to Be With the Lord in Heaven ?

It's okay. be honest. You know Paul was. Given the choice and honest about it.
Paul says in Philippians that for the love of the body of Christ he would remain in this life. (All through the first chapter he talks of his suffering and the benefits of going "home to be with the Lord" posted below) I have read this many times any wondered of his amazing love for the body of Christ. It wasn't until last night, my dream....my vision....that I realized it was truly his love for the body of CHRIST....the PERSON of JESUS in every soul he reached.

My Vision
(shortened version)

I was being escorted to an airport. It was a supernatural airport. Nothing like we have here. Nothing like I have ever seen on earth. My escorts were very tall, dressed in white. One had very dark curly hair and the other had wavy yellow hair. My daughters were with me.
I had a back pack with me. It was very heavy. I was also carrying a blanket and a phone and a Bible. I walked over to a table that was cleared off. Put my back on it and pulled out my ticket. Which was a mess; it was three different parts. It was a gold ticket, a silver ticket and a white ticket. I couldn't get it to fold up nice and neat in the envelope. Which seemed to bother me. So I just tucked it under my arm and I tried to stuff my blanket and Bible and phone in my back pack. Lauren and Kelly were just standing there, it was as if they had no idea I was leaving. My guardians spoke up and said, "There is really no need to try and pack that bag as you will not be needing that where you are going."
I didn't say a word. I just turned around and saw the Ticket Master sitting down. The one in charge of handing out the tickets.
Again, one of my guardians spoke up, "You know, HE PAID $6000.00 for your ticket so you could be here." (with an emphasis on the he paid...and here)

I immediately turned around, left my bag on the table walked over to the Ticket Master.
He was not handsome by worldly standards, but I was oddly very drawn to him. He had reddish, brown hair. He was meek in manner and I asked him if it was true about him spending $6000.00 and buying me my ticket so I could be here with my girls. He didn't speak, he just nodded yes. Suddenly I just began to cry. That's when the Ticket Master looked in my eyes and I recognized him. I began to weep and I fell into his arms and just cried and cried and cried.
"I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry..I love you... I love you....Thank you sooo much."

I was actually conflicted for a while. (getting back to the beginning of this post) I knew what was waiting for me on the other side of the flight. In fact the Ticket Master had handed me a new ticket while we were together. It wasn't three parts. It was one golden ticket.
I knew the Ticket Master would prefer that I stay but I could also see pure love in his eyes when he looked at me. He was letting me make the decision.
We spent some more time together....talking.

What I came away with last night was that Jesus (the Ticket Master) paid the price not so that I could just "Go to Heaven".
Although that is part of it, a BIG PART. Spending eternity with our creator, Abba Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit ~ but Jesus paid the price so I could Spend time with HIM HERE!
So HE could Be the Ticket Master and allow others safe passage into eternity and into a relationship with Him here on earth as well!


I am giving my ticket away....what are you going to do with yours?



Philippians 1:20-24

Paul’s Life for Christ

^"20 For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but that I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die. ²¹ For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better. ²² But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So I really don’t know which is better. ²³ I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. ²⁴ But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live."

Hullo!! A word or two....bout time ...I know....:)

Hullo,

Hi!...How are you all doing? It's been a while since I have blogged, I know. Life has been so hectic. I mean, more than usual. Still so much has been going on in my spirit at the same time, but then that is usually the way it is with me. The busier my life gets the more I hear from the Lord.

So I decided it's time I sat down and wrote again. I have so very many things I want to say. So many things that I don't know where to start. I don't suppose I can possibly capture everything the Lord has spoken to me over the last couple of months. Even the highlights would be pushing it a bit. There is just so much. My life seems to have been invaded by a sudden upward tornado type of heavenly wind tunnel that has encompassed me. It takes me to and fro to my every destination. As though I have no choice in the matter. (Of course we all know I do, God in his greatest gift to us giving us free will) Still I am compelled to move by the spirit to each destination. And move I do. In both my natural state and my spiritual state. Reaping the blessing of obedience for being what I see as simply...carried away by God's Holy Spirit.

These last few months I have experienced such heart ache and grief. I have mourned and surrendered to God once again, hopefully for good, the most precious of his gifts to me. Receiving back in return a release and peace I have never, ever experienced in my life. Ever.
This last month I almost watched my father die in my arms and in this spent many hours with him, a frail old man, listening to him, sharing with him and praying with him at his hospital bedside...I was graced with healing and peace with my childhood past.
This last month I have been reminded of how frail we all are, every one of us, that we never know when our time is up here on this planet....and that we NEED to go out of our way to make thing right between the people in our life who God put in our path, family, friends, neighbors, co-workers.
We don't have time to hold grudges...We don't have time to "take time to GET OVER IT".

These last few months I learned I wasn't created to BE loved ~ I was Created to Love!
I was Created in the Image and likeness of my Creator and I am going to do everything in my power to live the rest of my life by the Grace of God living like him!

I am still just Amy Colleen...but I am working diligently on becoming a true SonFlower!

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Why I LOVE Sunflowers!!!!

I WANT TO BE A SONFLOWER

Here I am once again, wondering what should I do;
Close my eyes and hope for death? Or keep on pressing through?
Oh how I long to be like Him, my Master and my Friend.
Strong, courageous and full of faith, right up 'till the end;
My heart it aches to be renewed, with love from on high;
But how it groans from all the pain, that makes it's home my life.

Oh Dear Jesus, how I love you! You are all the joy I know!
Come Holy Master and Create, a masterpiece to show!
Take all the pain, disgrace and despair, that makes it's life my home;

Replace it with your love complete, like no one has ever known!
I give you all I have to give, and still some more please take.
Please come my precious Jesus, take me now and make...
A flower bold and beautiful, that can't be overlooked;
One that springs forth in surprise beside a trickling brook.
Please make me a Sonflower, so there will be no doubt;
That without the light of the Son, I could never have come about.
A single flower that began as a weed, where it's seed happened to fall.

Taking on the likeness of the Son, is it's only call.
As it grows so tall and strong, reaching for the sky;
Is when it springs forth in surprise, for all those passing by.
A Sonflower that inspires praise, to God for all it's worth.
For it's magnificent beauty and the seeds of life it births.

Yes Lord, a Sonflower is what I want to be.
Though at times, it's so hard, to grow up as a weed.
I know that if I stay in your light.
Drink only of the rain of the river of life.
One day when my time has come;
I too will resemble the Son.
No more wishing this weed were dead.
Just the picking of this flower for your centerpiece instead.

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~F.Y.I~

You will note the spelling of "Sonflower” with an "O" for Jesus, the Son of God.

Why I wrote this:

One hot summer’s day, while talking with my neighbor I was asked the question, "If you could be a flower, what flower would you want to be?" I answered, “A sunflower." My neighbor quickly replied, (with a snicker, I might add.) "Why would anyone want to be a weed?”

I thought about it, and our Dear Lord gave me a revelation on the sunflower; now more than ever I want to be a Sonflower!

Did you know?

Sunflowers, when first sprouting from the ground are not considered flowers at all? They are in fact considered a member of the weed family. However, when in full blossom, the sunflowers bold and magnificent beauty paves the way so that they cannot be denied their place in the flower family. In a sense, I guess you could say they’ve been adopted! ~chuckle~

There are many different types of sunflowers. Each one of them different, in shape, color, size and purpose and yet every one of them resembling the sun.

Some of them are single flowers that in full blossom can reach up to 16 feet in height, 36 in. in diameter. Others grow in clusters sharing the stem that brings them life.

Sunflowers need lots of water and must have full sun everyday to reach their “full potential”. Although sunflowers will not die immediately without the light of the sun, they will not blossom without its light. Although once a sunflower seed that sprouted with “full intent to blossom”, without full sunlight and lots of water, the seedling will remain in its weed state, and eventually wither and die. As a seedling the sunflower needs water daily. As the sunflower plant grows and matures it has the ability to retain moisture and can go a long time between rain-fall. The sunflower from day one, even as a weed, follows the sun, east to west, dawn to dusk.

The sunflower is the strongest and largest of flowers. The harder the weather it has to endure the stronger the stem becomes. Sunflowers seem to grow best in fields of like sunflowers. However a sunflower’s true beauty is only fully appreciated when in the midst of flowers of a different family.

Sunflowers are the most productive of flowers, as well. They have no thorns for their beauty. They provide seed for the sewer and food for the birds of the air, the animals of the field and people alike.

You can find sunflowers wherever the sun [Son] shines for at least one half the hours in a day.

Be blessed as you bask in the Son!

Amy Colleen