Thoughts at Midnight

Sometimes it just hits me. Out of nowhere. I will be sitting reading. Or I could be driving to the store, on the phone at work, or actively engaged in a conversation that has absolutely nothing at all to do with my children or grand children. That's when it happens. I see their face, in my minds eye or I hear their voice or laugh. My heart is instantly stirred. When it is my daughters I think about I always have an instant smile that appears. When my thoughts are drawn to my sons and their families, a plethora of emotions begin to flood my heart and mind. Starting of course with sadness. They are so far away both In distance and also I have not heard from them for so very long.  I miss them so much I can't begin to describe how I feel. 

I haven 't written about it lately. I dunno know why, exactly. 

I have NEVER been good about writing when I am sad - -or - expressing sad emotions in pen and paper.

I am sure there are plenty Dr Freud's out there who are just waiting to read blog post's written in the thick of sadness so they can give their expertise counsel.

haha - well I am not the perfect subject for them that is for sure!

Perhaps that is one of the main reasons I have not been as transparent as I could be on this subject matter.

I know that all is well - with my soul. It most truly is. I, like King David in the book of Psalms in the Bible, take solace in vocalizing to God my hardships and at the same time recognize my humanness and the fact that He, God, is my help - my -provider - my shield - my portion. That in the end I am not only okay, but absolutely taken care of and perfectly at peace in the hand of my Heavenly Father.

I am simply God's own Amy Colleen.
A lover of God. A lover of people.
A wife, a mother and a grammy.
That pretty much sums it up.

Life is kinda hard. Well actually it's more than kinda hard. It can be down right horrible at times! I know for me, there are a great many times I know that if it hadn't been for the relationship I had with Yeshua - I would not have been able to carry on.  I would not have been able to take  my next breath. Have any hope at all -.because of how hard life's circumstances have been at times. Plain and simple.
Even now,  though I may not be "desperate" because of the circumstances that surround me in my life I have to say it  is because of my relationship with my God. My life's circumstances are quite difficult, and could, if I didn't have my anchor Yeshua,  most likely would, take me down - make me desperate. Though not - because I DO HAVE HIM.

Instead I find strength. Instead I find love.
 Instead I find peace.
Instead I find faith.
 Instead I find hope.

So

I am still. I know you are God.

I am still. I wait.

I am still. You are Holy.

I am still. I wait for You.

I am still. I know you are God.
You are Holy.

You are faithful.
You are true.
You keep your word.  I will follow You.

Plain and simple.
And You oh Lord?

For me You say,

"Love for You is all I have

Not one but each I choose

I wish to shower blessing

Desire streams from me to you

I love you all each the same

My desire never shall be undone

Some come and some stay away

Free will is my gift of love

My choice my life eternal

Turn to me and live

I love you with my life."

Misty is singing my heart through her worship song  below!