I Had to Choose

                                                               Matthew 10:37 

 ^"Whoever loves his father or mother more than he loves me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than he loves me is not worthy of me."

How many times have we as believers heard this or read this scripture verse?

I know, speaking for myself, more times than I can recount.

To be honest and completely transparent here, this is one of those verses that after awhile those of us who have not lived through this verse, (most likely) may tend to breeze right over it.

I mean seriously, it’s hard to truly understand, comprehend, what our LORD is saying here, if we have not had to do, just that,

 “Choose between our precious Messiah and someone we love.”

Well, the time of not personally living through this verse, has come to and end and the season of understanding has begun. At least for me.

It did take some time. It didn't happen all at once. Just like seasons gradually come about, so my understanding of this verse would awaken. Like a snow squall that arises suddenly to alert us to winters presence. My own flesh and blood would be the vessel Hashem would use to open my eyes to the heart wrenching truth that accompanies the depth of this very scripture.

For so long I have kept silent about this. Too long. Years. I don’t know why.

For the sake of others, I am speaking out now.

I will make this brief. No need for a lot of details.

It was on a trip to see my son and my grandchildren for the very first time (which did not take place 😢) I was given an ultimatum. Basically, give up my ridiculous idea that Yeshua was God and entertain a whole line of thinking that taught he was a blasphemer.

My answer, “You know I will never give up YESHUA. Never.”

There are two things about that meeting with my son, that I remember like it just happened yesterday.

I remember the answer coming from my heart up into my mouth without a thought. When I look back at that moment, which I do often, I realize that was Holy Spirit speaking through me.

I also remember my son asking me a question,

“Is there anything you wouldn’t do for God?”

I answered “No.”

And my son answering, “Me either.”

I think about both things often. Thanking the LORD for being there for me and being my strength when I did not have the strength myself. Because I knew, deep down inside, had I known what my son was planning I may not have had the strength to stand up for my beloved Messiah as I did.

Also, I think about and wonder how my son could answer the question he asked me with the same answer I gave him. Then turn around and treat me with such dis-honor and contempt. Especially because he confesses to love, honor, serve and obey the same God as I do.

That was the last time I saw or spoke to my son, and I have never seen any of my 5 grandchildren.

 I realized that afternoon when my son texted me that I would not be seeing my grand-babies, then, or for who knew how long. (it's been years) I realized the ramifications of my choice. I realized that if I had simply done what he had asked of me that afternoon I would have been able to see my grand-babies and would still be in touch with my son.

I have realized that choice daily for years now.

 💔

It is important, at this point that I make sure the reader understand I love my children, all my children with the same passionate love of a mother. I hold no ill feelings toward my son for what has happened.

Yes, my heart is broken beyond anything that could be described in pen and ink. I have written down many times on this blog and my other blog, feelings of heart ache…. now you know why. Even those expressions do not come close to describing the pain in my heart. There are other reasons that aren't listed here. But for this post...the pain that is most relevant is the pain a mother feels when a child walks out of her life.

I miss my son.

Even now as I write, my heart (the actual organ) is crushed with pain. I know I need to let this go. I need to let you (completely) go. I don't know that I can do that. I don't know that I will ever be able to do that. You are my son. I am your mother. That is how Hashem ordained it. Still, I need to try as I am not well, though I am better when the pain of your dismissal is not close upon my eyes. So, into Hashem’s hands once again I bid you leave. I pray you see the light before He calls me home. I have His promise which I hold dear. That the veil will be removed, and you will see His face, Yeshua Hamashiach. I know we’ll see each other again. I just really want to see you in the land of the living. I know all too well the pain of saying good bye to one who’s left already. I know you love me, son, you told me so. I love you too.

I love you too...always and forever to the moon and back! (click here)

This was a deep, transparent post.

I felt the need to share. I have had more than a couple of women share with me recently about “similar” situations.

Let us remain strong therefore in the strength of our Messiah!

My Love by:AmyColleen

There is nothing like your love

Nothing like your love

I have traveled far and wide

I have given all I am

I have found – there is nothing, nothing like your love.

Though some speak of angels covered in gold

And still other diamonds and rubies

Many others sing and dance with joy

Still I’ve not come close to the love I’ve found in you

There is nothing like your love

Nothing like your love

I have traveled far and wide

I have given all I am

I have sacrificed - I have paid the price. Every day I still die

For your love. I’ll do anything for you, my love

For you bought my life with yours

Everything I have - it belongs to you my LORD

There is nothing like your love

Nothing like you my love

Simply nothing like you my LORD
💓