This is For All The "Me Too's" Out There...

Please know there IS healing out there.

I too was a victim the majority of my childhood and teenage life.

This song is a staple of my daily life now.

Sometimes

 When I feel like just crawling into a corner away from it all. 

Instead, I crawl up into His big hands and listen to this song.

Here is the "Spontaneous" version - for those who enjoy those!

Love & Peace

❤         ✌

So Here I am

Okay so wow,         I am writing this blog post for total selfish reasons.        Yeah.

Basically, I don’t expect anyone to really read it and if they do I would be utterly shocked if they took anything away from it. None the less, I find I am compelled to type away. So type I will.

You see, I am in a place in life I never expected to be. A place I would never expect anyone to have to be. Heck, I don’t know in all my years if I have ever known anyone personally who has been in my shoes. I do remember years ago during one of my Women of Destiny meetings, a woman giving a testimony asking for prayer because she was in a “similar” situation in her life. However, as I recall even her situation was nothing like what I am faced with today. It is simply unbelievable.

So, here I am.

I am child of the King. I have been wash in the Blood of the Lamb. Cleansed and made new. I have never been so in love with my Creator – walked so close to the Shepherd – had such revelation of the reality of the Eternal realm – Life with God here and in the New Heaven to come and yet – my precious loved ones are so far away. Not just geographically, but somehow the enemy has been able to seduce them and in such a way that they believe they are walking in the truth. All the while they are actively seeking to bring division and complete separation to their family - all in the name of God and his righteousness.  I am still in complete shock. How – why –after a life time of memories would – could –you divorce your mother and sisters?  We’re not talking abuse or neglect or never being around. It’s like having a major limb suddenly sawed off of your body with no anesthesia, the reason given, “Because someone else is more deserving of the arms and legs than you.”  This is not okay. This is straight forward deception from the enemy and that is why it is so heart wrenching and mind boggling.

So after the initial shock hit me and my family (outta nowhere like an earthquake in the middle of the night) and I was able to pull myself together enough to sit still in the Lord’s presence, Holy Spirit reminded me of some dreams He had given me that I wrote down in my journals. (*you know it is amazing how the Lord will speak to you years before something BIG will happen in your life – you may wonder – “what in the world does this dream mean?” just be patient, if it is from the Lord, it will come to pass) I read my old journals and low and behold the Lord had given me several dreams warning me about all three of my sons and their father’s behavior, long before this ever took place.  The really awesome part about this is that the Lord also gave me scriptures and promises that He (the Lord) was going to bring the Spirit of Truth into their lives. I only needed to be willing to believe – to pray and to love.

Of course, that sounds allot easier than it really is.  I already have had one intervention from the Lord – in the middle of the night, thankfully.

I had a dream, which I am not going to share in detail; however, I will say this. It was so perfect and straight to the point that when I woke up I was able to leave my sons at the feet of Jesus. This time – without taking them back and I have peace knowing He (Jesus) is working in them. The Lord has heard my prayers. Every last one of them I have prayed. Oh, and believe you, me I pray at least 4-5 times each and every day for the healing and deliverance and restoration of this family. Everyone in this family - all 10 of us and the grandkids as well!

I am living in a world most would not understand. In fact, I don’t know that I could even find the words to describe the world I live in. I am many things in this life here on earth - I am a Handmaiden of the Most High God, a wife, a mother, a grand-mother, a prayer warrior, a friend, so much more. My life has been very full and at the same time very empty. Still I know I need to empty myself even more and fill myself even more.

I can’t explain the pain I feel. Having my sons – the boys I love and have raised and known for their entire life, tell me they don’t want to be my sons anymore. Or, explain how it hurts me to know that my sons have been so deceived that they would shun their sisters. Toss them to the way side. To see my precious girls and the pain they feel in the betrayal  they are faced with as their brothers choose to sever their lives with them – and in the “name of God and righteousness”.  This is surely an emotion that the human language has yet to put any such words to.  

Yet, in the midst of this tornado of dissolution I have found peace. 

Or has it found me?

I know in whom I believe and He has kept me in perfect peace. I am able to cover my precious loved ones in the Blood of the Lamb each day. I am able to pray for them for the revelation of truth - for forgiveness and deliverance of generational curses. I would never be able to do this on my own. Frankly I am amazed myself, once again at the wonderful grace of God in my life! I pray for the love, grace, forgiveness, mercy and compassion to flow over into each one of my precious family members lives. May the healing power over come them – May Holy Spirit take control and the promise of God to turn all things around for the good of those that love Him and are the called according to HIS purpose be made manifest in all our lives!

Lord have your way in our lives!

 You ARE the God of reconciliation!

 Come - live through me – Amy Colleen

You are Healed

I sent forth my word and healed you

Why do you seek for what you can not find, among those who have no authority over life or death?

A Greater calling

Find your calling in MY heart

Seek me above all else

Desire my deepest love

Give all you have for what I am

I have made you who you are

For my purpose and for my pleasure you were created

Come before me and share my love

Know me 

Give room to my Spirit

Let me in your deepest place

Lift up your voice and seek my face

Walk with me; talk with me; sing your sweet love songs to me

Forsake not thy first love for it pleases me and touches my heart

This is why I have created you; above all else and before anything more

In this you will find the answers that you seek

Do not look in vain to man's answers

The answer is in me 

I love you

"Doing Without" a Heart. NOT okay

So You Think You're Okay?

Think Again. Forgiveness - It's a funny thing -It creeps up on you when you least expect it. Un-forgiveness really. You're going along in life just fine then. Wham - outta know where it hits ya  like a heart attack. 

Sometimes we can get wounded, hurt, deep down inside - and it never really "heals". At least not the way it should. Tissue begins to form over the injury, like scar tissue - pretty soon we don't see the wound, or really even feel it much. We grow accustom to the scar tissue that covers the area where the injury took place. We may even have gotten used to the limited mobility that has stemmed from the over growth of tissue where the injury was. 

It has become a part of us. Our relationship with the person that hurt us becomes strained.  

We pretty much have buried the hurt so far deep down inside, we have forgotten the magnitude of it's origination. Oh we remember when it happened - IF someone brings it up. But we may "play it off" that we have "dealt" with it and "forgiven" those we hold responsible for the hurt. But we know, deep down inside; there's something still there. Something that is only noticeable to us, God and those closest to us.

It would be one thing if it was just an emotional scar that was invisible. Truth is it is keeping us from excelling in the "more excellent things". We know this too. Something else we are unwilling to admit and we are willing to do with out. In fact "we have convinced ourselves" that we are in fact - not doing with out, at all.

We go on striving to create lives that seem fulfilled and God centered.  While in the back of our minds and hearts we can feel the pressure, be it all so slight, of that scar tissue, tugging, pushing on our heart and spirit. It’s as if there is a constant  cloud following hanging over our head.

Truth be told. We are actually doing "with out". We are sacrificing the "more excellent things" in life that God our Heavenly Father has designed and desired for us to have. We may not readily amit it - but we know it's true. 

Honestly, we don't like that we are. 

What we want is God's perfect will for our lives.

So how do we get there? From where we are now?

Well, for starters we need to face the fact that we have been injured - and - that we need to be healed - completely healed.

 

You see God, Our Heavenly Father, did not send His Son to die for us so we could just "muddle through" painful times and have our wounds heal over with patch work stitches and numbing scar tissue - that would simply allow us to "carry on our lives" and only "face those who hurt us" when absolutely necessary.

No, Our Heavenly Father sent His Only Begotten Son to die for us so that we might have reconciliation - to Our Father in Heaven AND TO EACH OTHER.

Sometimes, a wound needs to be opened up and cleaned out -

 before it can properly heal.  

Yes, it can be painful.

But it is well worth it.

Our Heavenly Father gave His ONLY Son - He paid the ULTIMATE price to HEAL the relationship between US and HIM. It wasn't even HIS fault we were separated.  

Won't YOU give THAT person in your life a chance?  The way God gave YOU a chance?

Freely forgive - as you have been forgiven.

Set someone free today and -

Receive healing - be complete.

Bleeding on the Inside

Fine Art by: Ona Kingdon PWS

                                                                                       

Bleeding on the inside, can anyone see?

Invisible tear drops fall silently

One by one they turn away.

Each without a single word to say.

Divinely given, now taken away;

Each without a single word to say.

    I see the eyes of judgment  looking in

 Excusing my pain by way of sin 

   Watching one by one as they turn away

Each without a single word to say

Whose to know, who can see;

    My life, my love, all that is a part of me?

I carried, I bore, I loved and adored.

Now they say they want nothing more.

One by one they turn away.

Each without a single word to say.

Piercing pain, gasping for breath.

This pain is almost worse than death.

Please! Look at me! I am here!

Can't you see my falling tears?

One by one they turn away.

Each without a single word to say.

Oh dear Lord please help them see.

It's you who have given them to me.

Choose Love

 I Choose Love

Pity ~ Anger ~ Love

Love ~ Anger ~ Pity

Total Confusion

As hard I try and look deeply into the one I am now a part of,

I cannot, I simply cannot see what moves him.

I see a man so strong at first glance,

I see a man hiding his true strength, behind an iron wall around his heart.

I see a man so proud he does not give into mindless emotions,

I see a man whose word only holds true when his feelings support his mood.

“I am here ~ I am not ~ I want you ~ I don’t need you”

Pity ~ Anger ~ Love

Love ~ Pity ~ Anger

Total confusion

I love him still, the one I am now a part of.

I keep looking, deep inside to try and find what moves him.

I see pain and sorrow.

I see tears that fill the shadows of his heart, still left to fall.

I see fear not surrendered.

I see pride before a fall.

“Go away; leave me alone ~ I will never let you go”

Pity ~ Anger ~ Love

Love ~ Anger ~ Pity

Total confusion

Where does he stand in all this?

I try and try and try to find hope and still I see none.

I see hurt, lots of it.

I see anger, lots of it.

I see disappointment and a need to be loved.

I see something in him no one else does.

“You are so wonderful ~ you bring me down.”

Pity ~ Anger ~ Love

Love ~ Anger ~ Pity

Total confusion

I don’t know from one day to the next if he will stay or go.

As hard I as I try I just can’t see what moves him.

I still love him, the one I am now a part of.

The more I try to find what moves him,

The more confused I get.

Why won’t he help me? Why won’t he help himself?

Why won’t he let me into his heart?

Why won’t he let me love him?

Pity ~ Anger ~Love

Love ~ Pity ~ Anger

I choose love.