I Choose Love

I Choose Love

Pity ~ Anger ~ Love

Love ~ Anger ~ Pity

Total Confusion

As hard I try and look deeply into the one I am now a part of,

I cannot, I simply cannot see what moves him.

I see a man so strong at first glance,

I see a man hiding his true strength, behind an iron wall around his heart.

I see a man so proud he does not give into mindless emotions,

I see a man whose word only holds true when his feelings support his mood.

“I am here ~ I am not ~ I want you ~ I don’t need you”

Pity ~ Anger ~ Love

Love ~ Pity ~ Anger

Total confusion

I love him still, the one I am now a part of.

I keep looking, deep inside to try and find what moves him.

I see pain and sorrow.

I see tears that fill the shadows of his heart, still left to fall.

I see fear not surrendered.

I see pride before a fall.

“Go away; leave me alone ~ I will never let you go”

Pity ~ Anger ~ Love

Love ~ Anger ~ Pity

Total confusion

Where does he stand in all this?

I try and try and try to find hope and still I see none.

I see hurt, lots of it.

I see anger, lots of it.

I see disappointment and a need to be loved.

I see something in him no one else does.

“You are so wonderful ~ you bring me down.”

Pity ~ Anger ~ Love

Love ~ Anger ~ Pity

Total confusion

I don’t know from one day to the next if he will stay or go.

As hard I as I try I just can’t see what moves him.

I still love him, the one I am now a part of.

The more I try to find what moves him,

The more confused I get.

Why won’t he help me? Why won’t he help himself?

Why won’t he let me into his heart?

Why won’t he let me love him?

Pity ~ Anger ~Love

Love ~ Pity ~ Anger

I choose love.

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copyright © by Amy Colleen. All rights reserved.

We Are Who We Are

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We are who we are.

Which basically consists of who we were.

Who we make ourselves out to be and who we ultimately allow ourselves to become.

All from what life serves us up and of course lets not forget what we ourselves bring upon our own selves; what we are responsible for...i.e.the trouble we get ourselves into and bring upon ourselves.


Like my good old pops says all the time, "Amy when you get right down to it people cause 95% of their own problems themselves."

I happen to agree with my pops....Truth of the matter is, if we as human nature 'd creatures weren't so proud we would probably all admit what my pops said was true....or IS true!

Well getting along with my story here... I just turned 48 years old last week and I feel like it. haha. Three years ago I felt a world a different; like I wasn't sure whether I was coming or going - cathin' or pithin'.

WOW - things have changed in three years! I feel like I have aged so much. While at the same time, I feel so much younger. I can't explain it really. Although I do understand some of what is going on. I believe it has something to do with simply growing up. Coming to grips with reality. Taking responsibility for my life. Maturing. Getting to really know my creator....intimately.

One thing for sure....One thing that stands out the most....I have peace.

Don't get me wrong here....I have had peace before. Always had the peace of God in my life when I needed it. Not like this though.
This is a new thing for me to experience. This peace is different. I have never experienced anything like it before.
This peace is unrelenting, unwavering, unmoving and has absolutely nothing to do with me or my actions. I don't have to ask for it, believe for it, desire it, nothing.

I believe that I am truly experiencing God's peace in my life in a whole new level, like I have never before and it is refreshing and liberating.

Why?

Well I'd be lying if I said I didn't ask that question . But it really doesn't matter as to why.

I don't know exactly "why". I do know that I have come to a new place in my life, in my relationship with my creator; God Almighty. I have by faith, given everything; all my hope and dreams; all fears and disappointments all my desires and joys all my talents and goals in life. I have given every beat of my heart, every breath I take; dedicated every move I make and step I take; very thought and intention of my heart to HIM...even my free will...to the Glory of God the Father in Heaven and Jesus His Son.

I have done so with new vitality so That I can some how truly become a living sacrifice that is honorable and pleasing in the sight of God the Father in Heaven.....made in the likeness and image of His Son.

I do truly believe that my, (what some have called my obsession) new found "way" of living is truly, if not thee reason for this new found peace at the very least one of the major reasons for it.

In my quest to die to self and live wholly devoted to Yeshua HaMashiach (Jesus Our Messiah) I am learning to not hide but live as "who" I am in "whole" not in part.

I urge all of you...(the few that will come upon this and read it) :) to do the same.

Live your Life as a whole person.

Wholly pleasing to God.

Clean before HIM.
Knowing that HE created YOU in HIS image and that HE loves YOU sooooo much that while YOU were yet a sinner HE sent HIS ONLY begotten Son to come and die upon a cross to be living sacrifice so that YOU would not have to die!!!

Be Made WHOLE IN JESUS!! Come be re united to your heavenly Father...He loves you! ALL of you!


AmyColleenDriscollTaylorKlapp


If you do not already know God....or Jesus as personally. Which you can by the way. I would be very happy to introduce you! Please feel free to e-mail me @ AmyColleen@gmail.com or send me a message here.....or simply ask the Lord Himself to introduce Himself to you. He will. It's not complicated....just a simple prayer prayed in faith is all that is necessary.
Something along the lines of ..."Heavenly Father, I know that I have broken your laws and my sins have separated me from you. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from my past sinful life toward you. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that your son, Jesus Christ died for my sins, was resurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I invite Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen."

If you do ...please let me know! :)
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Please leave me a comment below tell me what you think!

Mini Me

September 12, 2009

So when you are a wee small child all you want to do is grow up and be like your mom or dad, right?

Then some where along the way as you grow older things begin to change and you realize maybe “not so much”….perhaps they really haven’t done the best job of raising you, being married to each other, or what ever the case may be.


Then once again as time carries on and you get even older you get married, have your own family you realize perhaps you may have been a tad bit harsh on ol’ mom and dad and begin looking up to them once again. If you are blessed enough to have them around while you are married and have children you begin to reminisce about the olden days with them in front of your kids; making light of what used to really bother you as a child. All the while carrying through with the same relational interactions your parents had with you, with your children.

Again, as time passes and you grow older and relationships age as well, you realize you are becoming more and more like your parents than you ever imagined was possible.

Why?

How?

Is this a natural course of events?

Surely…you did not desire this…plan this…in any way facilitate this.

If anything you tried over the years to keep this from happening. There were times you saw signs of parental similarities. Immediately you tried to snuff them out! (Apparently to no avail.)

It’s not just the physical similarities it’s the mannerisms and the driving forces and personality traits that are becoming more and more pronounced as time goes on.

What’s more…..your spouse - they too are becoming like your parents spouse!

Is this really happening? Is this for real? Can this be stopped in motion? Turned around?
Are you really your mother’s …your father’s mini me?


I don’t know.

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All I Ever Wanted

All I ever wanted was a big family when I grew up.

Lots of kids …lots noise….lots of fun and lots of laughter.

I remember what it was like growing up in all of that.

“Craziness”….simply put – CrAzY…..but I wouldn’t have had it any other way!


I miss those times….I miss my Mom and I miss my Dad and I miss all my brothers and sisters. I miss the crazy holiday gatherings; Dad on the piano, Mom in the kitchen and a house FULL of the rest of us and our cousins and friends and neighbors. Lots of food and fun!

I could reminisce about individual times (I remember them like vivid movies in my head!) but there are soooo many; and they are all hilarious and fun and full of love each one!

Mostly I just miss my family.

Funny…..all I ever wanted when I was young was to be a mom and to have a big family.

Here I am a mom, with five kids. But no big time family gatherings filled with music and fun, food and frolic.

Save Now

How ironic is that?


*sigh*